Moving Beyond Appearances – Softening Judgement
It is natural to judge people, since it happens without our even thinking about it. We take one look and summarize a whole person—overweight, pretty, stylish, sloppy. This habit comes from the mind’s need to categorize the world in order to be able to function without becoming overwhelmed. When we judge, we are looking for pertinent information, trying to determine whether the person approaching is a threat, an ally, or someone we don’t need to worry about. This way of looking at people makes sense in a dangerous environment, but in our daily lives it is way to simplistic to read a person in such simple terms.
If you have ever judged someone dismissively, only to have them become a dear friend once you got to know them, you know the hazards of the judgement cycle firsthand. An experience like that may have led you to soften your natural tendency to believe your first impressions. We will always notice things about the people we meet, but as we become more conscious of the shortcomings of judgment, we won’t be satisfied with our surface observations. We may notice that someone is driving an expensive car, but we will decide whether to befriend them based on getting to know them over time. We will not rule out a friendship with someone with messy hair, especially if they turn out to have a great sense of humor and a kind heart. Liking or disliking a person is a choice you will naturally make, but it will be after you have gotten to know them.
Next time you notice yourself judging somebody, try to send love, light, or blessings to the person you were judging. Then try to listen to them openly or look them in the eye and learn something about them. If this is not easy for you, don’t worry, it does get easier over time and remember not to judge yourself either. Trust that with practice, you will successfully break any habitual patterns. As you do, you will find a whole new dimension of perception opening up to you, allowing you to see beyond the surface and into the essence of the everyone you meet.