While doing some research for this post, I came to realize that nowhere did they describe the actual despair of depression accurately.  At least in my respect.  My depression started with a literal ‘snap’ being heard inside my head.  Then a spiral downturn started with no way out.  I just started spiraling down over the course of a few weeks.  Down into a deep dark hole.

You are there all alone in the dark, you cannot even see your hand in front of your face, yet you feel this pressure that is so intense you just want to curl up into a tight little ball to relieve the pressure.  Otherwise you will have to cut yourself to relieve the pressure.  That is how bad the pressure gets. Other forms of release are crying, yelling, hitting  (preferably a punching bag) rigorous exercise (however, depressed people usually don’t have the energy for this).  Even the most simple everyday tasks seem enormous.  Taking a shower is a huge task. That means getting out of bed and actually standing under water for 5-10 minutes.  That may sound sarcastic to some of you, but I am serious when I say this. Taking a shower under the throws of a deep depression takes up all your energy!

Your arms feel like you have lead weights on them.   Your legs don’t want to move.  Staying in bed is your only option.  Hiding from the world is the only way you feel safe.  Safe from the pressure.  However, it still finds you, so you have to relieve it again, and again, and again.

Not everyone feels that snap before the depression hits the first time.  Not everyone feels the same way when in the throws of a deep depression.  This is just my story.  However, I am sure someone can relate. That was 18 years ago.  It was still a very taboo subject to talk about.  It took me a very long time to approach my parents to tell them.  I made sure I had a pile of documentation to back me up about the disease.  I had 2 small children to think about. I did not want to be labeled crazy!!

Now you can find all the information you need about the disease thanks to the internet.  But, beware,  most sites now are sponsored by drug companies.  When looking for information I want accurate unbiased information.  That also includes holistic therapy as well. (I have to admit even more so!) Many holistic therapy sites are so adamantly against drug therapy for depression that some of their research you must go back and verify yourself.

The following link is to a depression screening test sponsored by Mental Health America:

http://depression-screening.org/screeningtest/screeningtest.htm

This link is to a non-profit organization:

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depression_signs_types_diagnosis_treatment.htm

Also, I have posted a test here taken from http://support4hope.com:  Depression Chat and Depression Support Group:

Depression Test

This test is meant for educational purposes only and is NOT meant to take the place of a Doctor’s diagnosis.
If you feel the results of this test signifies a positive result. Then call your Doctor for proper evaluation. We only mean for this to be a guide and NEVER a Diagnosis.

1. Do you have times when you feel “empty” or distant?
2. Do you feel as though you just do not have the energy to do anything at all?
3. Do you have a constant difference in your eating habits? For example, eating too much, or not eating like you usually do?
4. Do you feel guilty about things, and then later realize they really weren’t your fault?
5. Do you often have feelings of hopelessness, or helplessness?
6. Do you feel as though you stay irritable all the time?
7. Does it seem as though you are crying all the time, and you don’t know why?
8. Do you feel as though you just want to give up on anything that you have to put forth any type of effort to accomplish?
9. Have you lost interest in activities that you used to enjoy?
10. Do you feel as though getting through the day is just too much trouble?
11. Are you having problems getting to sleep at night, or excessive sleeping?
12. Having problems with friends or family members all the time? They just don’t seem to understand you?
13. Do you feel as though no one in this world could possibly understand what you are going through?
14. Do you find yourself postponing small tasks, just to keep from dealing with getting ready for it? Such as grocery shopping, or taking the kids to a ballgame?
15. Has your sex drive become almost non existent?

If your answer is “yes” to at least half of these questions, you might want to seek a professional opinion. You may have depression and find life much easier to deal with once you have the proper advice from a physician.  With the proper care, such as medication, or counseling, you can learn to be the way you used to be. Don’t allow depression to control your life. Do something about it. The first move is yours to make.

I encourage your comments.

Donna